Thursday, January 10, 2013

Incompatabilities

My breasts feel large tonight. That bra is a kind of elastic fabric that squeezes the whole breast into a firm, high bundle. Now I've taken it off, I feel like I'm expanding, like that game where you press your arms upwards against a doorway, and when you step forward your arms float up as if moved by another will. My breasts are bouncing back to their true shape after a long day of pent up, boobalicious energy.

Usually I'm asleep before I could experience this.

It's a virtue I've savored, my ability to sleep. I sleep easily and deeply. Unfortunately, it's the main reason I don't get laid as much as I'd like. Well, one of. Or at least, that's the story I tell myself. I've told G it's ok to wake me for sex, but honestly, that's easier said than done. I don't like being woken up. He feels badly about disturbing me.

Honestly, I sometimes try to be asleep before he gets to bed.I want sex, but I don't. I fear not rested. I fear how sometimes things go wrong and our sex is unpleasant. I fear having to face my inner demons that say sex is disgusting.

Sex with other people does not bring up these feelings. I don't know, though, if it's purely my feelings about G, or if it's a result of being in a long-term relationship with him. I mean, would I feel this way with anyone once the newness wore off?

G's body turns me off, and his smell. His kisses turn me on, but he rarely initiates kisses, and doesn't seem to enjoy them like he used to. Sometimes he's dominant in a way that arouses me madly. Sometimes it just annoys. I can tell he doesn't like the way my pussy tastes. He kisses my thigh to get the taste off. I've done the same thing w/him, because he doesn't always wash well. Once he gets past the initial distaste, he does well enough. He can make me come hard and often and intensely.

I can get his whole cock down my throat, most times, and lick his balls at the same time. I love that. Of course, that means there's not much to him. It doesn't matter if I'm on top. He hits the right spots. Any other position is iffy or impossible. He can't stay in well from behind, and there's no chance of missionary. Sometimes I mind. Sometimes I think, so what? It's not like I'm bored of having great orgasms while riding him.

Sometimes I try to justify my wanderings by focusing on the negative.

I could talk with G but I don't think telling him his dick's too small and his body's too fat is going to be news or make any positive impact. Not much going to happen about either except he could be more ashamed and less connected.

He could talk to me but there's not much reassurance I can give for any of his fears. Except that I'm still here, after going on 20 years. I wish that were enough.

2 comments:

  1. I love the honesty and realness of this. You're inspiring me, too.

    ReplyDelete