Friday, April 26, 2013

Negotiations and Consent

Handsome Quiet Person was not put off by my cheating ways, or not entirely. He wanted to see me.

Is there really any denying the ravening howl of new-lover lust? Not for me.

I resisted through one long afternoon walk but at some point we found a secluded spot and our lips met and pretty much all was lost.

Except that what was turning me on wasn't him. He doesn't smell amazing. He's not a bold kisser. He's new, and he really really likes me, and that's all it takes, apparently, to captivate me.

I suggested we go back to his place. "I guess you thought over what I told you," I said.

"I have, and I haven't figured out how I feel about it. We could go back to my house, but I don't want to do anything more than what we have already," he said. I agreed, and he went on, "I know, it's strange, a guy setting a limit like that."

I wish I hadn't interrupted. I wonder where he would have gone with that. But I was eager to reassure him. "I appreciate knowing your limits. I don't think it's strange."

So we went back to his house, and in moments we were on the bed kissing intensely, and his smell and taste and timidity were not slowing down my heart rate at all. He pulled off my pants and I asked permission before stripping off his shirt. "Is this ok," I asked, biting his nipple. "Is this ok," I asked, squeezing his ass.

"I'm sorry for being inconsistent," he said, as we stripped off the last of our clothes.

"That's what consent is all about," I said. I sat up an admired his handsomely furred body, his cock  curving over his flat belly, thick and mouthwatering. "I want your cock in my mouth," I told him, "But I've started using condoms even for blow jobs these days." He passed me a condom, but he wilted right away.

"I have performance anxiety," he told me. I knew why. I knew more than I should about him, and that's one reason I was being so careful. It was obvious I wasn't going to be getting a condom on him. And besides... when it comes to consent ... I try to be extra careful.

"Let's take a break," I suggested.

When I was younger I used to say what I wanted, the same as I do today. The thing is, I wouldn't live up to it. I'd get caught up in the moment, and if the guy I was with bothered to take the time to check in again I was sure to just moan and rub his cock in a way that made my intentions clear. No condom? No problem. Got a boyfriend? Already forgot about him. Not sure I like you? So what.

I know all too well that considered consent doesn't happen on the fly. These days I stick to my limits or know in advance if I'm likely not to. I don't count on anyone else to respect my no if I don't respect it even more. What did QP know about consent? I had a feeling not much. So I gave him time to collect himself and consider what he wanted without the distraction of my naked body up against his.

We ended up kissing some more and taking a nap. It was intensely sweet.

I need to be careful with that man. I have a feeling I've already gone to far, for both of us. When it comes to consent, love and friendship are a lot harder to navigate than sex.

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